A blog on various topics related to Home and Living, Lifestyle, Entertainment, Relationships, Self Help, Fiction and Spirituality. I love to share some of my life incidences too on this blog, so if you want to know me more, just grab a cup of coffee and go through my life here!

Attraction vs intimidation  (An Extension to the previous post)

Attraction vs intimidation (An Extension to the previous post)

I was still wondering on all my possibilities to handle this situation, when he said –

“Tell me one thing, do you really like the taste of cough syrup and cough drops so much?”

Now what kind of question was that and where did it come from? - I gave a confusing look to him, since I was still not sure of my voice.

He simply rolled his eyes and said – “Look at yourself”

I followed his words immediately and saw myself. I was thoroughly drenched in the rain, that was now showering heavily on us and then suddenly I started feeling cold to the point that I began to shiver.

It was so foolish at the first place to have a walk in the rain, and so stupid of me, to not even notice getting drenched, when I was with him. Had I lost my senses or what?

My face might have portrayed my sudden comeback to the reality, because I could see his lips smirking at me; I gritted my teeth.

Let us get back to your place. We anyway have the whole evening to decide that.” He simply turned around and I noticed after sometime, he was steering me holding my elbow, as If I was a kid.

Now wait a moment, what did he mean by “whole evening”. Isn’t he leaving yet?

Again my senses of which I used to be so proud of till now, failed to acknowledge any kind of fear or anger, no matter how hard I tried to bring them up.

The only thing I could feel was excitement - priming up in my mind, even though conscious mind registered it to be highly childish and idiotic.

Guess! The subconscious won.

It took us less time to reach back to my room. My roommate had already seen us coming from a distance (was she keeping an eye on us; getting jealous!! ) because the moment we entered, she got us two steaming cups of coffee and I was truly thankful to her despite my doubts (How can I have these silly thoughts? Damn! )

He stood there for a moment, staring at the coffee cups till the time I dried my hair (Oh! Why doesn’t he look at me now?) .

The moment I was done and bent down to pick up my coffee cup, he whispered gently –

“I’ll pick you up at 6 tomorrow.Need to leave now.”

I could hardly register myself to comprehend his words when his long fingers just gently touched my hair, and he was gone.

For a moment I was blown away with shock, another moment I stayed glued to my place, just blinking my eyes, seeing his back, watching him getting into his blue BMW.

The sound of the car over pouring rain, shook me up.

I was still standing there, not realizing if it was a dream or a reality.

I could now feel a fight going on in my mind between attraction and intimidation.

Though this fight had its own share of pleasure, I knew who the winner was!
Ending of a dream? .. Or the beginning of a nightmare?

Ending of a dream? .. Or the beginning of a nightmare?

"Can we go for a walk please? If you don't mind.." He said, the moment I turned back to go to my room.

My heart skipped a beat for a nanosecond; I still don't know if it was the rage or the shock that made me stop. I turned back to look at him.

I couldn't have believed him saying this to me, if I myself had not turned and watched him speaking the last few words

"Please!" He said; it was so difficult to know anything from his face.

I sighed and nodded.

We started walking slowly and I noticed that it had started drizzling outside.

"Why did you have to lie to me?" I said slowly, not looking at him but could feel that expressionless stare on my face.

"What else do you expect me to do?" he said, prolonging his stare without blinking.

I considered the question and felt more frustrated for not getting any decent answer to it myself.

"Forget it.. So, what do you want now?" I blurted out, unable to keep my composure.

"What are you doing tomorrow? Can we go for a movie, if you like to?" he said casually.

I was shocked at the sudden change in the subject of this stranger, who had already fallen into bad books of mine, before even meeting me.

But somehow the tone and the velvety softness of his voice was so impressive, it made me stand still.

I looked at him for a moment and was unable to get any words to reply back, on this direct attack.

He considered the silence with the same piercing stare and I could only mumble -

"What? Are you serious?"

"Of course I am. What do you think now, do I have to remain just a liar to you for the rest of my life?", he said it so simply as if we've known each other so well, that I must somehow understand him and his weirdness; this very person I've met just half an hour back and have openly hated since then.

His personality was overshadowing all my willingness to just say "Get Lost". I preferred staying quiet for the moment.

I felt so mesmerized by his presence, yet doubtful about him asking me out.

I felt fuming at his arrogance he showed to me, before even knowing me , yet I could not stop the thrill going through my spine while just walking with him.

I hated him for his attitude towards me, but was equally surprised (to the level of being shocked) on the sudden change of his behavior.

And last but not the least, the thing that scared me the most was - Why? Why was I unable to say no to him ?

The thrill and chill confused me - Was it the ending of a dream? .. Or the beginning of a nightmare?
Do I dazzle you?

Do I dazzle you?

"Perfect." He flashed his gleaming smile, dazing her momentarily.

"Um" — she shook her head, blinking — "your server will be right out." She walked away unsteadily.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," I criticized. "It's hardly fair."

"Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that — she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

He seemed confused.

"Oh, come on," I said dubiously. "You have to know the effect you have on people."

He tilted his head to one side, and his eyes were curious. "I dazzle people?"

"You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

He ignored my questions. "Do I dazzle you?"

"Frequently," I admitted.
Me starting with the shayaris....

Me starting with the shayaris....

Sab kehte hain ishq mein logon ki neend ud jaati hai
khwaahish thi koi hum se bhi ishq kare..
humein neend bhaut aati hai
kuch toh poori kar di khuda tuney, mere khwaab le kar
ab ishq ka bhi aks dikhaa dein....koi sailaab de kar

Meri aankhon ke noor ko dikha aye khuda tu raasta ...
kab takk dhoondhengi andhere mein ussko ye rafta rafta..
zaalim duniya bhi toh deti hain itni thokrein...
fanaa kar dein sab ko, jo iss ishq se ho jaaye vaasta...
Ek raah

Ek raah

Ek raah - akeli si, anjaani si...
Khud hee kadam uss par chal chale
Na manzil ka thikaana, na hee kisi or ka
ek saath ki ummeed mein aagey badh chale

Miley kitne mujhe iss safar par
Iss raah jaise hee anjane se..
Kahin paas, kahin door..
kuch le ke andheron mein noor..

Kabhi rafta rafta mere peeche
Kabhi noor se bhi tez itne aagey,
Ki ho gaye wo..ankhon se ojhal,
aur bass gaye dil mein yaad ban ke..

Jaane kab takk aur jaayeingi ye raahein..
Kahaan hai meri parchaai?
Abhi talak dhoondh rahi hain ye Nigaahein!!
My fortune and my nostalgia - FINAL Part

My fortune and my nostalgia - FINAL Part

The "Practicals" session so called for me began in no time, when we - a group of thirteen people were directed towards a classroom. We all proceeded inside and the first thing I noticed, was the typical semi-circular arrangement of chairs around the desks (the way I used to visualize while reading GDs sessions in CSR). There was a lady (rather strict looking) seated behind the teacher's desk, just in front of those chairs, looking and observing each of us. We took our positions and I was sitting at the left most seat of the whole arrangement.

I was really having difficulty breathing that time, because of what I dunno. I had no idea what topic was going to be given to us and everyone except me as I thought was looking very confident to me... (It usually happens when u are panicking in such situations.) Anyways! I simply programmed my mind to stay cool, worst that could happen was that I'd not speak anything. Big deal! I can go back and continue my studies - there was nothing to lose!!

The feeling calmed me a bit. We all were waiting for the topic to be given and were looking at the lady with anticipation. She got up after some moments, went ahead to close the classroom door, took a chalk and started writing on the blackboard. I was ready with my pen and notebook (which was already kept on the desk!! ) to zot down whatever would strike me of the topic...anything related/unrelated, out of the blue..but something!! She finished writing the topic and turned back to look at us. I was a bit dumbstruck looking at the blackboard, for I could not believe what I was looking at.

The topic was - "Who is more powerful - Tom or Jerry?"

For a moment I thought, something is wrong - Are these Tom and Jerry some names of company or product which I am unaware of? My mind for a moment raced towards apache tomcat servers too, for I could not believe the fact that out of all big bang things happening around, we had been asked to discuss a cartoon series!!!!

The cartoon series which I'd researched, kept, watched some million times by now since god-knows-what time and still exists on my daily-laugh-sequence folder!! :)

It took me some time to take hold of the topic. I couldn't help smiling myself and then one guy among our group took the initiative. In typical CSR - GD way, he explained the topic and then started with his viewpoints. We were all impressed but the moment he said "I think Tom is powerful", I got the thing that this guy doesn't know anything about the particular series except for the famous name of "Tom and Jerry Cartoons". Anyways, we listened to him, but a few of our over-enthusiastic public interrupted him in between and then began a complete chaos of 1 minute, when every one was speaking , no one was listening and I was wondering - whether it was a GD or some fruit shop having sale!!!...I was looking at each one's face, not knowing whom to listen. This was completely opposite to my perception of a GD as I'd read since so long in CSR! I'd not spoken anything by now and if the trend continued then I'd be silently stepping outside the room...even when I knew the topic to its nerve cell!!

I waited for some more time and then out of my instinct, I got up, asked everyone to calm down, take deep breath and stop arguing like this, because that was taking us no where. I expected some sort of retaliation, but to my surprise everyone was listening to me and following me too. I guess I got over pleased by this because the next moment I did a BLUNDER!!.. I just suggested, that everyone should speak their points, we can note down what does not convince us, tell our points on those things in our turn and then at end one of us can summarize. Now what is the blunder in this?? The blunder is, I asked the person at the right-most to start, which meant that by the time me the (un)lucky thirteenth would get chance to speak, almost all the points would have been already discussed and spoken about.

I realized this the moment I happily sat down and started listening to the first person. People were coolly telling their points and facts to support the theory about "Jerry being powerful" and "Tom being powerful". I was left with my mind making webs to figure out some point, some minute point that I can speak about, after those 12 people!!!. The topic was very straight and simple and dint have much facts to go ahead in any hidden way!!!..And as expected everyone covered all the points, their relationships to the real world etc. that can be known to any "Tom and Jerry Cartoon" viewer..

I was still struggling with my thoughts when the twelfth number was speaking beside me and then the jackpot hit me!! I felt immediately so calm and peaceful and confident now that I am definitely going to clear this, no matter what.!!!
There came my turn and I simply suggested the fact about "Jerry being powerful, not just because he uses the maximum of his potential, but also because he uses his weaknesses to his strengths, his small size to his advantage, his light weight to his winning.It is all about planning the resources to their positive and only positive potentials." and then all blah blah blah on that I spoke that time!!

And after some more talks the GD ended. We got the result in another half an hour. Only three people among the thirteen of us got selected and no wonder I was among the three!! :-)

Next was a technical interview with a very cool guy who interviewed me. I was more confident and clear with my ideas and explanations this time. The whole process was finished by the end of the day! I was happy with my performance and we were supposed to get our results within next five days.

I got selected, left my MCA to proceed to Bangalore, signed a four years bond with Wipro Technologies and BITS Pilani. The next four years were spent at an edge of managing time, energy and balance with my MS studies as well as regular job as Project engineer. The deadlines, the exams, the classes, no free weekends, just one month of free Saturday and Sunday in 5 months.No holidays, no proper leaves, no proper money :D but a life truly enjoyed with all the stuffs and lessons learned in the span of those four years. So much was I and in fact everyone of us involved in the schedule that we actually felt an emptiness at the end of the course!! It is being around one year now since then!

My nostalgia ends here. My career, life and its dramatic turns really make me think - Life is really interesting!! And truly a fascinating journey!
Some shaayaris read somewhere...

Some shaayaris read somewhere...

Inspiring shaayari -

"ज़िन्दगी में हमेशा मुस्कुराते रहो,
हँसना ज़िन्दगी की ज़रूरत है,
ज़िन्दगी जीयो इस अंदाज़ में ,
की तुम्हे देख कर सब कहें -
ज़िन्दगी कितनी ख़ूबसूरत है!"

Confusing Shaayari :P

"आंखों से दूर हो पर दिल से नहीं,
दिल में ज़रूर हो पर मिलते नहीं,
बस यही गिला है तुम से हमें,
तुम मिलते ज़रूर हो - पर दिल से नहीं!"

Some Devdas shayaris:

"खुदा सलामत रखे उनको, जो हम से नफ़रत करते हैं
प्यार ना सही, नफ़रत ही सही,
कुछ तो है जो वो सिर्फ़ हम से करते हैं!"

"ज़रा पूछ मेरे सब्र की इन्तेहान कहाँ तक है,
तू सितम कर ले , तेरी ताकत जहाँ तक है,
वफ़ा की उम्मीद जिन्हें होगी, उन्हें होगी...
हमें तो देखना है, तू बेवफा कहाँ तक है!"
My fortune and some nostalgia - Part II

My fortune and some nostalgia - Part II

I proceeded with my studies taking Dual honors course in Mathematics and Computer science. And I certainly don't remember how those another two years passed there. By the time I lifted my head up and saw the horizon, it was already completion of my graduation course, I had done my summer training project and I'd got admission in MCA too at Banasthali Vidyapith, which is supposed to be quite reputed for that.
My life was going all well, I had got adjusted to the routine I was following there. The one month passed in MCA course was real fun, with new hostel, new friends, new kinda freedom - the "seniority" and a certain kind of ownership to the place.

I remember when I was pursuing my last year of graduation, one morning while browsing through all dozens of newspapers as my daily morning routine, I read about this advertisement that covered one half part of a sheet: "WASE" - Wipro academy of software excellence. It was a collaborative program of Wipro Technologies with BITS Pilani where the students getting enrolled in this course would be doing their MS from BITS Pilani in Software engineering as well as at the same time, they would be working on live projects at Wipro offshore development centers.It was a four year program with a bond. The whole course would be sponsored by Wipro and enrolled students would get some pre-defined scholarship (stipend) every month for their work.
I was a bit fascinated with the ad. It was something new, different and felt quite challenging and I really felt like going for it. It seemed to be a lot different from what I was doing that time, but I was not eligible for the course, as it needed only the graduates and I was still pursuing my graduation.

Nevertheless, I kept that ad in one section of my memory and closed the door. By the time I'd entered MCA I'd already forgotten about that owing to the "everything-going-perfect" kind of life I was leading that time.
One fine day, I was just coming out of our practical lab when I randomly glanced at the notice board. It was surprisingly empty today - except for one small piece of photocopied sheet stuck on it.

Out of curiosity I proceeded ahead and tried to read it. The photocopier machine seemed to have drunkenly done its work and none of the words were clearly visible, except for the big bold banner of "WASE". The word immediately triggered the wish I had made some one year back and I quickly scanned the whole sheet again. There was some date for getting enrolled to the entrance exam. After struggling a bit I figured out that it was just the next day.
I rushed back to the hostel and immediately sent a mail and all the details necessary for enrollment. I talked to my friends and discussed with them. Some of them seemed to be quite interested in it (I dunno why nobody used to read the notice board) while some were of the opinion "4 yrs - what use? Who'll do all that for four years and all.And there is bond too!!!".

I was anyway interested and did not want to argue with anyone for this, and this time I guess for the first time in my life, I simply went ahead with enrolling myself to the course - without asking my parents. I don't know what came in me - I simply enrolled myself and then told my father about it. He was as usual ok with it. My mom also agreed to it and I was happy!! :-)

The exam was just 5 days after the enrollment and nothing was conveyed about it and its procedure. I was completely blank about what I was going to face when I went to Delhi for the same. I just knew the prerequisites and they were quite good (at that time at least, I am talking about 2003! I know it has degraded a lot now.)
1) Only 75% and above in grad.were allowed (means not even 74.9% can enter).
2) No back logs accepted
3) No drop outs accepted
And lot of other things, which I don't remember right now.
The moment I reached the building where the entrance procedure was going to be conducted, I was surprised to see such a huge crowd waiting. We all had our enrollment IDs , that were sent to us in mail and we were directed to the rooms. Not going into much details about the exams (I myself don't remember what all was there in that.), just that the duration was of 3 hours, it was all objective type exam with negative marking (I hate that!), six sections, half an hour for each. I mean it was just like any other normal entrance exam with some twists and turns and two-three flat questions.

There was a break for 3 hours after the written exam, still we did not know what was going to be the next.After three hours of lunch break, it seemed like written papers were all evaluated for the particular center. I was astonished to know that around 780 students appeared for the tests on that day, just at Delhi center. Out of these some 230 got selected in written ones. The score was not made known to any of us, anyways the ones who cleared it were not bothered too!! :).

From our discussions, I was told that we might be interviewed by some panel and then they'd decide about who'd they take in for the course. I was like ok! let it be - anyways it is not any life-death situation. Worse I'd go back and continue with my MCA there - big deal!!!
Then came a surprise - Group discussion (GD). I did not know about that. It came very unexpected. I'd never seen or participated in any group discussions till now and I really became nervous this time - not of losing something on this, but of facing people.
I did not even know about the topics that might come up. The only two things I felt confident about were:

1) I had been a regular reader of at least six of all the English news papers, our library used to get as well as the magazines on general affairs and current problems etc.

2) I had been a fan and voracious reader of CSR - Competition Success Review magazine since my childhood.I really loved to read it, especially the interviews of IAS toppers and the Group Discussion!!. So I just knew a few things about how the group discussions should go like...but all in theory!!!

Now after eight years of theoretical studies, it was the time for practicals!!!
My today's fortune and some nostalgia - Part I

My today's fortune and some nostalgia - Part I

My Today's fortune says it is time to do something new. Well lets see what new can I do today..
Here I am sitting in my office, sipping coffee, checking my morning mails,
making calls about the problems that might have been encountered during night, fixing them. All being usual stuffs.
With this kind of routine, all new I can do as of now is to design a different approach to a few technical problems in software for the work we are doing here. That too can not be said as new, because what we are doing here is re-using the techniques and tools for the solutions.
In other layman terms that is just a copy-paste. I may or may not do that, which does not make any difference, except that I'd be done with one more work item and happily go home, contented with my day's job, contented that there are no overheads anywhere, that my bosses and clients are happy with everything smoothly going on.
And then I ask myself, did I work so hard right since my school days - that had been around 20 years now!! for this?
I remember I wanted to be a Doctor, when I was a kid - because I was really fascinated with the lab-coat and stethoscope.
I was sick of the medicines I was given by the nurse and I dreamed of taking my revenge by staying at the other end of it.
I was so madly in a passion to become a doctor that I started preparing for my medical entrance exams since I entered class VII.
With many highs and lows in the path followed I gained the self confidence about my medical career in class X when I scored 99% in science and 97% in mathematics.
You can imagine the degree of passion and perfection in my mind, that despite everyone getting overjoyed and elated about my success, when I came to know about my score in science, I had only one instant thought - "Where did that one mark get deducted?"

The destiny or something else I don't know, had other things planned up for me. It could not accept the level of passion I was holding for this career, that I never cared for anything else.And then it happened...the thing changed my mind and my life completely.
First thing that my mom was not at all interested in me going to medical career, (for God knows what reason, I never asked her); anyways I never cared for that so I was heading for my own line of interest, when an incident completely changed everything, the sudden demise of one of my friend's father.
That was a time, I can never forget. I don't know about the others, but for me I was shocked and hurt so much I had lost the feeling of myself.
The most shocking part was that, the doctor had to tell my friend's mother about the news and had to remain emotionless, even when they were family friends.
And I was like - Will I be able to do this, ever??? I know it now that it was too early to think that way, but my mind had completely gone numb and I was truly scared.Till that time I never cared about emotions or anything else, my head completely engrossed in career making and suddenly such a turmoil of emotions really shook me from within.And then I myself said to my mom - "I am not going to medicines". My parents were also shocked at this decision, for they knew well, how hard I'd worked to go into medical profession.However, my mom was happy and didn't say anything, my dad anyways never say anything, so it was like do whatever you want to.

I was second best in mathematics so obviously took that and by some grace I really scored good in that. I wanted to go for IIT coaching in Kota,some 70 KMs from the place we were staying that time, but that was a time when Kota had gone quite notorious with the crime rate real high and unfortunately for me, there were no secured hostels there,you had to take a private hostel and stay in it.
My parents did not agree to that, and I was made to stay at home and prepare on my own. That was first time in my life when I really felt sorry of me being a girl, because my friend near by my place went to the coaching. I was really jealous, angry and frustrated with all that and as usual, my emotions took over me. I lost my concentration, zeal, passion of everything I wanted to do.
As a result, my score went down, I regret it now, but that would not change anything. I could not get admission into any good institution, when I know I could have got if I'd have controlled my frustration and concentrated more.I was really angry at my parents and refused to talk to them at all.
They tried to convince me but failed, for my dad never feel much about girls' education. He is of the thinking that if I study well, I can go ahead with that, if not - anyways I'll get married to some one.

Then to give me some change and pacify me a bit, they took me to Banasthali Vidyapith, brainwashed me that doing BSC in comp science and then MCA will be a good thing for career because of this IT boom and all.
To tell you frankly, I was never interested in computers, nor am I now too. I hardly ever open my laptop at home, only to check stuffs when my blackberry pings about arrival of some mail.But I joined there, for reasons I also don't know, may be just going ahead with my parent's decision again.

Life was completely different at Banasthali Vidyapith.It is difficult to put here in words, but somehow I liked it.
The peace and natural beauty of the place, the hostel life and its noise,the library, the khadi-wear,classes on weekends and holidays on Tuesday,the course schedule and the fact that there were so manyyy things to learn there - Foreign languages, all kinda sports - lawn tennis, hockey, badminton,swimming, basketball, horse riding,yoga, aerobics and what not.
Then the best of music, dance, art; it was like a place with so much potential and freshness.
I really adored the library and could spend hours there. In fact most of my holidays and free time was spent there only, browsing through its rich collection of books and magazines.

It was a place that calmed me down, made me think about the life and its prospects from a new mindset. I had taken a very weird combination of subjects in my first year - computers with physics and maths.
And needless to say I was attracted towards physics more than the other two. I found computers ok, sometimes really boring with already established facts and no new thing to discover on your own.
The only time I felt elated was when I used to sit in the air conditioned labs and when some program would get executed in one shot during the practicals :).
Banasthali is situated in Rajasthan and the heat there would make anyone love the air conditioned labs for the practicals.

So as I mentioned before, I was getting more and more into physics - really loving it and enjoying it every moment. In fact even in my XII, physics was my favourite subject. I hated Chemistry more than anything else. In fact it used to give me nightmares sometimes.
Here physics was giving me new directions to go ahead in my career path. I wanted to take the line for me future studies, do a PHD in same, become a research scientist.
And I passed my first year with real good score, obviously with highest in physics. Then came another breakthrough, IT IT IT!!! And my parents were scandalized knowing that I wanted to continue with a mare pass course just for physics???..when I can do honors in computers which meant leaving physics forever.
And I entered into another confused state - what is correct? Should I take something that has this much potential because of boom period or some thing I find close to my heart.
I was not in a good position to decide anything hence went with parents' decision again, took computer honors but somewhere a rebel inside me was poking me to do something and I took maths honors as well. Everyone including my parents tried to scare me about the nightmare of taking dual honors. I knew my life would be a ship engine with that, taking additional 4 subjects in already tight schedule of morning six to evening six along with my yoga, swimming and American English classes.
But I needed something to vent off my anger on and I went ahead...saying to everyone and to myself - "Whatever"!!!
How to fall out of love?

How to fall out of love?

courtesy wikihow.com

Are you the victim of cruel fate? Does the "perfect" mate think you are better off as friends? Although it might feel like you'll never find somebody better, there are some ways you can move on. Falling out of love is as unique to each individual as falling in love, but here are some healthy ways to cut your emotional ties.


Make a list of all the reasons it wasn't meant to be.

*The number one reason should be that you are worth someone who loves you and who thinks you are awesome. It's always flattering to have an admirer, but you deserve better than to just be somebody's ego boost. Other reasons may include incompatibility, especially when you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this person and remember the ways in which you clash on a regular basis. Human memory can be selective, and you may find yourself dwelling on that first kiss in the park, or that time when you laughed till you almost cried...but also remember the times when you felt neglected, unappreciated, betrayed, or even deeply annoyed.

* See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it'll be to get on with your life. It's completely possible that you're idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to. You should accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you -- because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them.

* Think of what you want from a significant other that you didn't get from this person. Was he or she arrogant? Cold? Controlling? Write down the opposites of those traits (humble, warm, and empowering) and put them wherever you can see them often. Not only will you see what this person didn't have, but you'll learn from this experience and look forward to finding someone who better suits you.

* Ask yourself if it was really true love you were feeling for this person. If you recognize that it was infatuation or lust rather than love, then you will have an easier time letting go.

2. Remove as many traces of their presence in your life as you can.

* This is very, very difficult but also very important. Ask friends and family to help you sort through things and put anything that reminds you of him or her in a box. If you want to give these things back to the person, mail them--don't give it to them in person and torture yourself. An alternative is to bury the box (presuming it won't contaminate the water supply), burn it (with caution), or throw it (forcefully) into the dumpster. The physical act of destroying reminders of them may help your emotional side catch up.

* If you lived together, consider redecorating. Even moving furniture around can help dilute those feelings that will inevitably surge when you wake up without them next to you. If it's possible and necessary, you might even consider moving.

3. Distance yourself.

* You won't want to, but staying close to someone you want but can't have just isn't healthy. Don't tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don't call them, don't go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.

* The object of your affection might notice you are distancing yourself from them. They may try to get you to see them more. Say you have been really busy with all of these new activities. Tell them you have other things to do, too. You must have a life separate from theirs. Don't answer their calls and don't call them or text message them. You will be tempted to, but don't.

* Don't assume after distancing yourself for awhile that you are over it. Be careful to make sure you are fully over this person before you see the person again. Otherwise all your progress will be undone, and you'll be back at square one.

* If this person was an unhealthy influence in your life (controlling, manipulative, abusive, etc.), cut them out completely. There's no obligation to stay on good terms with someone who made your life miserable, even if they didn't mean to. They may try to make you feel sorry for them in order to keep you wrapped around their finger. Cut off all ties and move on.

4. Practice thought stopping, a technique that helps you to become more mindful and in control of what you think (or don't want to think about, as the case may be.)

* When you notice a thought has popped into you about the individual, say to yourself or aloud, "Stop!", as a reminder to divert your attention. Visualizing an image such as a stop sign may also help. Then, choose something else to think about that is pleasant. For example, notice how the sun feels on your skin or what the breeze feels like passing by. Look at the clouds in the sky, notice your breath, or the sounds of people talking around you. Become aware of your body and how you feel in it. These will all take your mind off of your thoughts of her/ him in a tangible and effective manner. It takes practice and may feel awkward at first, but with time it is a very effective way to move on, not to speak of feeling and being more empowered by having acquired a powerful new skill.

5. Do all the things you've ever wanted to do, that you wouldn't have done if you were still with this person.

* Did you always want to take a tango class, but didn't because he or she "doesn't dance, period" and you didn't want to go without them? Did you want to go to that car, fashion, or antique lamp show with your friends, but felt reluctant to spend your day off with someone other than your love? Did you want to travel to an exotic country, but your partner didn't want to go because it's too hot/dirty/boring? Maybe--probably--there are ways in which the relationship held you back. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Do whatever you can to feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn't see you for the great person you are. There are those out there who will.

6. Mingle.

* While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to meet new people who share similar interests. If you choose to date, avoid the temptation to settle for whomever asks you out, just to distract you from your old flame, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don't love back!

7. Understand that the feelings may never fade completely.

* You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and while you can eventually realize emotionally that you've grown apart, you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her. At some point, it may be possible to remain friends, but mind the boundaries and don't let your heart fall back into it.

As a farmer …

As a farmer …

One Sunday the new priest of a small town church saw that only one farmer from a nearby village had turned up for the mass. He was disappointed, for he had expected a good audience and had prepared a talk accordingly. Now he was reluctant to deliver such a precious talk to a mere farmer.
“I see, you are the only listener. Should I go on with me talk? What do you say?” asked the priest.
“Well, Father, as a farmer I can tell you that if I go to my cattle-shed with a lot of fodder but find only one cow there, I feed it, nevertheless!” said the farmer.
That helped the priest to make up his mind. He went on with his long lecture.
At last when he finished and looked at the farmer, he did not find the farmer too pleased.
“How do you like my discourse?” he asked
“Well, Father, as a farmer I can tell you that if I go to my cattle-shed with a lot of fodder and find only one cow, I do not compel the single cow to eat the whole lot!” replied the farmer as he went out.
A Folktale from Finland - "The Lost bride"

A Folktale from Finland - "The Lost bride"

Once upon a time there lived a brother and a sister named Osmo and Ilona. They had no other kin in the world and were very poor. Though they worked very hard they could hardly manage to make both ends meet.
Osmo decided to go out and try his fortune. His sister stayed at home. He soon reached a beautiful city and took work there as a shepherd. The king’s son who was fond of making friends with strangers got to know him and often came out to talk to him as he guarded the sheep.
One day they fell to talking idly in the course of which Osmo declared that he had never seen anyone prettier than his own sister. She was also talented and the most kind hearted girl in the world! He described her virtues so warmly that the prince felt a great urge to see her.
‘Will you marry her, if I bring her here?’ asked Osmo
‘I promise, I will,’ replied the prince, ‘but if you fail to bring her, you will be punished.’
Osmo returned home and told his sister all about the prince. She felt very happy at the prospect of seeing his brother’s dear friend. The very next day they set out to meet the prince. Ilona took all her worldly belongings including her little dog Pilka. They had not gone far in their boat when they saw a woman running on the shore calling out to them. Osmo was willing to stop, but Ilona restrained him saying that they did not after all know who the woman was! But the woman went on crying so piteously that Osmo rowed to the shore and took her into the boat.
Now, this woman was a very naughty witch. She asked them where they were going. Osmo told her all. Immediately she cast a spell on them so that they could not hear each other. When they neared the prince’s palace, Osmo asked his sister to get ready with her best clothes on. Ilona could not hear him, though she could hear the witch. The witch told her that her brother was asking her to jump into the river. She could not understand this strange command and insisted on knowing why she must do so? Osmo not able to hear her, grew angry and shouted at her. Poor Ilona ultimately jumped overboard. The waters closed over her and she sank down as a stone as she did not know how to swim.
The bewildered Osmo tried to save her, but his efforts went in vain. He was overcome by grief and fright. The prince would certainly kill him. The witch told him not to fear for she had a plan. She would change herself into Ilona and put on her clothes. Nobody would know the difference! Osmo had to agree, for there was no other immediate solution at hand.
The prince on seeing the false Ilona, was happy, but his face fell the moment the witch started talking, for she had not been able to change her voice. It still cackled like a witch’s.
‘Why did you say that she was good in everything?’ demanded the angry prince and he had Osmo thrown into a den of snakes. ‘If you are innocent, the snakes will not harm you,’ he said.
Meanwhile, Ilona sank deeper and deeper and came to the lovely palace of the Sea King. All his subjects admired her and the king fell in love with her at first sight. He asked her to become his bride. But Ilona only wanted to go back into the green world above. She pleaded with the king, with tears in her eyes, to let her go up. At last the king agreed, saying, ‘You can go up for three nights. But you’ll have to wear the clothes I provide and if you don’t succeed in breaking the spell in this period, you’ll have to return here and become my bride.’
When evening came, the palace maids dressed Ilona in a wonderful robe of pearls and bound her ankles in long chains of silver that gave out wonderful music as she walked. She came up and the first thing she saw was her little dog Pilka. It had stayed there confident that its mistress would surely come. It bounded to her barking joyfully. She was delighted to see it.
Taking out a little piece of gold and silver embroidery from her pocket she asked the little dog to take it to the chamber of the prince and keep it on his pillow. The dog did as it was told. While returning, it went to the den where Osmo was thrown and saw that he was safe.
When the prince woke up in the morning, he saw the embroidered cloth and wondered how it came there. He had never seen anything so beautiful. The witch said, ‘I made it at night to please you.’ The prince however, did not believe her. Just then a messenger came in to tell that Osmo was safe as ever. That meant Osmo was innocent. Puzzled, the prince went to a wise and holy woman who lived near the shore and told her everything.
‘You’ve married a witch while your true bride lies under a spell. She is now with the Sea King. By sending you this embroidery she has indicated that she is still alive and she seeks your help,’ explained the holy woman.
‘But where is she? How can I find her?’ the prince asked anxiously. ‘Wait till tomorrow,’ was her answer.
The next night Ilona came up again and this time gave a shirt to the dog to be given to the prince. She vanished with the dawn. The holy woman saw everything.
When the prince went to see the holy woman she told him, “Go to the smith and ask him to make a strong iron chain and a scythe. When your bride comes out of water this night, fling the chain around her and cut the silver chains from her feet with the scythe. Then you must hold her tightly, for she will change her shape many times and try to escape because of the spell. If you can hold on till the end, she will be yours.”
The prince hurried to the shore. When the moon rose, he saw Ilona coming out of the water. He followed the holy woman’s instructions. After the chains were cut off, the prince held her tightly by the arm. Suddenly Ilona changed into a silver fish and tried to slip out. But quick as lightening he drew out his knife and plunged it into the gills of the fish.
Immediately the fish became a golden bird which tried to fly away, but, the prince was quicker and struck it down.
It changed into a green lizard and tried to wriggle away, but with no success.
The lizard then turned into a tiny fly. It would have flown away but for his quick action in catching it and crushing it with his thumb.
The spell was broken at last and Ilona stood there in all her beauty. The delighted prince told her all that had come to pass. He wanted to take her away at once to the palace, but she was afraid of the witch. So they spent the night in the holy woman’s hut.
In the morning, the prince went alone to the palace. He carried with him, in a hidden bottle, some magic water given by the holy woman. As soon as the witch came out to greet him, he splashed the water on her face. She screamed and shrieked and slowly her old haggard form came forth. In a moment the real witch was standing there, to the amazement of everyone around!
She changed herself into a crow and tried to fly away. But, she had lost her strength and slumped down on the floor crowing woefully.
“Keep her in a cage till her end,” the prince told his attendants. “But keep the cage away from the palace and don’t forget to feed the crow.”
The prince and Ilona rushed to Osmo’s prison. The prince there wept in shame for his conduct, but Osmo consoled him saying that all is well that ends well.
Next day the prince married Ilona; the same evening the crow in the cage died.
Lover's moon

Lover's moon

I look at the night sky
And I feel you are near
You linger beside my love
in moon rising
and I dare....
To listen to my heart
and desires that are there
In the silence and shadows
feel you near in love....
I gaze to the full moon rising
as gently you appear...
Then sink, into the depths of loving
then I hold you so close...
And the magic of dreamer's
touch is alive now to feel....
Your love in one breathless kiss
i'm alive....
One night to meet in the shore of one true love...
Is more than my heart could
ever dream
I'm in love....
Strength of the vortex
drags me down to the ground...
But I am saved once again
once again touched by tour love....
Spiraling in our love now
we cling to our time...
And the moment that was yours
and mine still shines...
One night to meet
on the shores of one true love...
Is more than my heart could
ever dream...I'm in love, I'm alive...
And my heart cries out please
Please still let the dreamer dream?...
But I'm alone once again
in the dawn sun rises...
And the moon waits no more
as the day must begin...
Mystical night of moon rising
bring him to me once again....
Spread your moon dust so softly
upon my eyes to see him now...
And I pray for the moon
and the dark of the night...
And the stars light his path
to lead him to my door....
And then we'll be singing in love
once more....
So till the next time love
I'll wait in moonlight's wake....
Of the stars and the moon of each
long lonely night...
To caress you and let the stardust
fill my eyes in your love...

I'll gaze to the full moon rising till then
Till then....till then....Love

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